Wednesday, August 2, 2017

Nursling.


When I think back to the boys being babies, it's not always the specific details I remember. Most of my memories are of places we went together, a bright spot that pops into my mind- a laugh, so many smiles- but one of the things that always comes back to me is nursing. When I think about the hours I've spent nursing my three babies, both boys for a year each and now Olive for the past five months, it's with deep gratitude and awe. What an amazing thing, to grow a human inside of our body and then nourish them once they've left it.

It was around 3am last night when Olive woke up. She didn't wake with a cry, but more of a rustle and a few small noises. She's still in bed with us, so I peeked over the side of the Dockatot to find her smiling at me in the glow of the moon shining bright through the top windows. I sat up against the headboard, the familiar groan and creak of our wooden bed in the silent room as I settled back on my pillow, and turned her little body towards me. In an instant she was eating, making those sweet noises hungry babies make, her tiny hand wrapped around mine, staring up, and I told myself- remember this.

So many times Charlie would wake well past midnight. I would pad down the hallway, half asleep, pick up my sweet boy from his crib and nurse him back to sleep in his rocker. Nurse and rock, nurse and rock. After I would lay him on my chest and continue to sit there for awhile, rubbing his back, smelling his baby hair and his baby skin, knowing how quickly this time would pass. And then further back there's a small Henry, my first baby, and we're learning everything together. Late nights awake, half asleep, nodding off in the gilder while we sat and he ate. Me singing the same songs I still sing today. Rocking in the same way, the same shush-shushes and the pats on the back. And I can think all the way back to that first day in the hospital with him, how he latched right on, and I can still remember feeling so joyful in that moment.

And now I sit with my third baby, well aware that this time is short. It might be a year when she wants to stop or maybe she'll go longer. As a third-time mama I now try to be more present when I nurse- I know that it might be prime time to catch up on things I may miss during the day, but I also know what I'll be missing if I do that. So I take my time. I leave my phone in the other room. I lay there for a minute longer in the moonlight with my little nursling, hand wrapped around mine, and I try to memorize the sounds and the smells and the way she looks up at me with those big blue eyes. This is the last go round on this journey- and I never want to forget it.

Happy World Breastfeeding Week, friends.

xo

16 comments:

  1. Ugh. This is soo soo sweet. Those tiny little fingers wrapped around yours while they nurse are absolutely everything.

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    1. The sweetest ever. Thank you for reading! :)
      xo

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  2. This is so incredibly sweet Dani! xo Carley

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    1. Aww thank you Carley! Lots of love!
      xo

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  3. Such a beautiful post! And yes, those moments do fly by! Enjoy <3

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    1. Thank you so much for reading, Isabelle.

      xoxo

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  4. This is so beautiful. I'm 4 months from meeting our second baby, and I'm already looking forward to nursing her. I had a wonderful experience nursing my first babe and—especially toward the end—tried to focus on being present with her because I knew that our time was short.

    I admire your ability to be present and deliberate with your thoughts and your actions. Your writing helps me remember to try to do the same. Thank you.

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    1. Karly,

      Thank you so much for the kind words. I really appreciate them, and I'm so grateful that you are here reading my posts! :) Also, so excited for you- you're so close! Sending lots of happy birthing vibes your way.

      Lots of love,
      Dani

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  5. I looooove this! I can't wait to have a babe of my own and nurse!

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    1. I'm SO excited for you too Tara! :) thank you for always leaving such nice comments. Means so much to me! <3

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  6. I worry all the time a bit being a mama one day - will I be able to handle it, amongst other thoughts but then I read your blog posts and it makes me so excited to have a little one of my own some day. This is beautiful :)

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    1. YES! You will be able to handle it and you will do so wonderfully. Mamas are tough! ;)
      Sending love your way.
      xo

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  7. Danielle, this is such a sweet post. I am not mother yet, but I really enjoy reading this.

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    1. Aww thank you so much! :) I love that you enjoyed it. Thank you for sharing that with me.

      xo
      Dani

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  8. I love this post! Nursing is so incredibly special and I swear almost addicting (but not in a weird way)! All three of mine self weened at 12 months and it was especially hard for me this last time around! It almost makes me want to have just one more! Happy world breastfeeding week!

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    1. I totally agree- sooooometimes I get that feeling like, just one more! I know exactly what you mean! Thank you for reading this my friend! So fun to see a comment from you pop up.
      xoxo

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